Thirteen

I went to the Red Cross of NY website and it turns out that they've had an overwhelming response to hurricane Katrina and they are not taking any more volunteers. This should come as no surprise, I suppose. New Yorkers know tragedy. Not that I was here on 9/11. I moved here one month later. As many people understandably fled the city, I wanted to get back to it. It was the only way I could think of to show my solidarity. And of course I never would have come back if events had not conspired to make it possible. The job became available, as did the sublet. Now I don't think that That Than Which Nothing Greater Can Be Conceived actually wanted me to be in New York, or thought I should be in New York. But I do think that the world opens doors for us and invites us through them – makes some things more possible than others.

I called my mother in Santa Barbara. She is interviewing for the Red Cross there and sending people South. She told me that they were sending people without the normal requisite training because they needed people down there in a hurry. It was two to three days as opposed to whatever is normally required. And Santa Barbara was not experiencing an overwhelming response, so she would be able to ship me out if I made my way to SB first. By the time I made up my mind to go, or rather to try to go, she told me not to bother. She said to wait until the initial response had dies down, said they'd be sending people for years, said to wait until I was working part-time instead of full-time.

I'm waiting for a lot of things until then.

I was out with DF and a friend and I started telling them about the organizations I'm considering volunteering with. One of them is called HIPS and, from what I can tell, they work with sex industry workers to help them stay healthy and safe. Seemed simple to me. But DF was appalled. Doesn't know why I would want to associate myself with those people. Says they make a choice and that he doesn't want to laud that "profession" in any way. I'm still not sure why he got so upset about it, and actually yelled at me in front of our friend. But he did. I suspect it has something to do with compassion, and who I have it for. He doesn't think I have much for him.

So then "Thirteen" was on yesterday, with Holly Hunter, Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Read and Jeremy Sisto, all phenomenal, and we watched their lives unravel, and watched Hunter shellshocked, like when her finger was cut off, just trying to hang on to life and a little sanity. I hoped maybe DF got it a little, got that some of those "choices" people make are really other choices in disguise.